\na year ago, just before the Christmas and New Year holidays, a friend of mine learned that her husband had been unfaithful with several different women during the course of their five year marriage. With one of these women he had grown emotionally attached. They have two young children and she was naturally devastated to learn of his infidelity.<\/span><\/p>\n
After Shortly <\/span><\/p>\n Before <\/span><\/p>\n The <\/span><\/p>\n How Outside Both Communing The <\/span><\/p>\n When Probably <\/span><\/p>\n With It is By Even if the friendship is strictly platonic and there are no sexual feelings on either Tomorrow I will share part II on this topic. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day and don’t forget to take the free Early Midlife Assessment if you haven’t already over at www.kitarawilson.com.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\nmuch crying and soul searching, she decided to fight for her marriage. While still
\nemotionally difficult and battling feelings of guilt over what she could have
\ndone wrong to cause him to step outside of the vows they made before God and her judgment
\nto trust anything he says, she remained steadfast in her decision to stand firm for her marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\nafter learning about the affairs she sent me two text messages asking for my
\nadvice. As soon as I read the questions I knew that they were questions that
\ncould not and should not be responded to via cell phone text messaging
\ntechnology. And because her husband had been home a lot lately, I also knew it
\nwould not be wise to call her. So, I did the next best thing, I e-mailed her.<\/span><\/p>\n
\nI actually sat down to reply to her, thoughts started forming in my head, so many
\nthat I felt as if I were about to give an answer in a column. I strongly believe that
\nwas what I was being guided to do, so that is how I answered her two questions.
\nOnce I sat down and began to write, everything flowed out of me so quickly
\nthat at times I couldn’t type fast enough to keep up with my own thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n
\nfollowing is part one of the questions she asked me, my answers, and the reply
\nshe sent to me after reading them. I’ve changed her and her husband’s names to
\nprotect their identities and privacy.<\/span><\/p>\n
\nimportant is outside friendship in a marriage? Does ensuring<\/span> friendships
\non the outside make for a healthy balance in the marriage?<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\nfriendships can be very healthy and fulfilling to married couples. Both individual
\nand couple friendships help to bring balance and fresh perspective. In fact, I
\ndaresay it is required in a marriage, or any intimate relationship, to have the positive
\ninfluence of friends.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\nold and new friends bring value to your life. Old friends know you well and sometimes
\nlonger than your spouse, and therefore can keep you in touch with who you
\nare as an individual. New friends balance out old friends by introducing you to new
\nexperiences and ways of thinking. The connection with both the old and new helps
\nyou to see who you have been and who you would like to become as a complete
\nexpression of your individuality.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\nwith other married couples is also very important in a relationship, especially
\nwhen you have married friends at various stages in their relationships. You can
\nlearn a great deal from someone who has been married 10 \u2013 20 years longer than
\nyou have. But, it doesn’t mean that you cannot learn from and appreciate the advice
\nlent by someone newly married, or who has been married the same length of time
\nas you.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\nmost important thing to keep in mind when it comes to having other married couples
\nas friends is that you share something in common. There is a conversation and
\nan understanding amongst married couples that your still single friends cannot appreciate.
\nThe same is true of married couples with children. It is difficult to discuss parenting
\nfrustrations with couples who are not parents.<\/span><\/p>\n
\nyou are faced with a challenge in your marriage, or even a minor squabble, being
\nable to talk it through with other married folk who understand and know where you
\nare coming from is one of the greatest forms of therapy available. You may not agree
\nwith everything that is offered up on the table, but nothing beats the advice of someone
\nwho knows from firsthand experience.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\none of the greatest assets of having other married couples as friends, in addition
\nto bonding with others who share similar views and interests, is that by being
\naround and observing other couples, you have the opportunity to see aspects of
\nthings that could be missing, should be eliminated or should stay the same in your own
\nmarriage. Every friendship brings with it an opportunity to learn and grow.<\/span><\/p>\n
\nregards to non-couple friendships outside of the marriage, there are limits and boundaries
\nthat shouldn’t be crossed. At the point when you met your mate there were
\nprobably friends that existed before you came into each others’ lives, some of them
\nbeing the opposite sex. If those were true friendships that were not tainted by any
\ntype of sexual interaction, then it is safe to bring those friendships with you into your
\nnew relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\nalso equally safe to create new bonds along the way with both the same and opposite
\nsex and introduce them into the fold of your marriage. This is usually most common
\nin workplace situations where co-workers become good friends. As you share
\nyour experiences about work with your spouse, also talk about the new friend, or
\nfriends you’ve made and how much you have in common. Some of the best friends
\nare created through workplace experiences.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\ntalking openly about your friends, old and new, male and female, and even inviting
\nthem to spend time with you and your spouse lowers the guard of suspicion. Openly
\nsharing your friends sends the message, “I have nothing to hide and my heart
\nis only with you”. On
\nthe other hand, however, it is dangerous to create friendships that are kept in secret.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\nside, if your partner ever found out about this person the level of trust they once
\nhad for you would be violated because you were never open about your new friend.
\nAgain, even if the friendship is nonsexual, if you don’t bring that friend into your
\npartner’s awareness, even if only by talking about them, you run the risk of appearing
\nas if you have something to hide once they do find out about your new friend.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span><\/p>\n