They Forgot to Give Me My Owner’s Manual

I
realized recently that before I left the hospital with both of my kids the staff
failed to give me my owner's manual. They just sent me home with these tiny
creatures assuming I'd know what to do with them. Luckily my maternal instinct
switch isn't malfunctioning so it kicks in quite regularly and has since 2001
when my son was born.

The night
my son came home he wouldn't stop crying for about an hour and I was at my wits
end because I couldn't get the kid to latch on properly and nothing I did
seemed to make him happy. I thought those were tough times, but now? Maybe it's
just me, but the older they get the more, um, "challenging" things
seem to be and a firm "no" from mommy doesn't seem to hold the weight
it used to.

I'm
beginning to think that this whole slip of the owner's manual thing wasn't
really a slip at all. I honestly believe they only give it out to families with
six or more children. That has to be it because families like Jon and Kate Gosselin
and the Duggars out of Arkansas with 18 kids both seem to have respectable and
well mannered children – it is the only logical and SANE explanation I can
think of as to why I am pulling my hair out with two while they seem to be gliding
by with eight and 18….and counting!

Since I
know it can't possibly be me, my
finger points to the government who has decided that families of six or more
are only allowed the coveted guide. Once again, politicos making irrational
decisions that aren't best for all but only some. Yeah, that's it.

However,
I won't gripe and complain over the situation. I don't know anyone with six
plus kids who'll let me borrow the book so I can check out the chapter (I just
know there has to be one) on how to tell your kids to do something once and
they do it without having to repeat yourself like a scratched CD. Oh, or the
one on how to keep your home from looking like a tornado has taken up permanent
residence. Instead I'll have to do what I've been doing and what so many of us
moms have done for thousands of years – wing it, trust my gut and pray that
somewhere along the way I've done most things right.

I admit
there are many a day, today included, that I just don't know what the hell I’m
doing. They don't to listen to me, I can't seem to get organized enough to get
anything done, my house is a safety hazard, my patience is beyond thin and I have
to convince myself that despite my low-self worth feelings of doubt around my
mothering skills (or lack thereof), God didn't make a mistake in choosing me to
mother these beautiful beings. I just wish the government would lift their
heavy thumb and make the manual available to those of us with small broods.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

But hey,
if you happen to be a mom of six or more out there who is fortunate enough to
own a copy of that priceless little gem, since I doubt I'll find it on eBay or
Craigslist….can I borrow it? If you need some sort of collateral my most
valuable treasures are my kids, so can we swap the book for the kids for about
a week? I'm guessing that won't be too much of a burden on you because you've
already beautifully mastered how to manage six plus kids thanks to that handy
dandy book. Two more should be a breeze, right?

Let me know – as a mom do you sometimes wish your kids (and your significant other – your "oldest" child) came with an owner's guide and instruction manual?

In Celebration,